Sleep
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Cameron just wants to sleep. If only his brain listened to him. Warning inside.


A little Deception fic because I have an obsession. It's true I do. It's a problem. I don't care. Cameron is too fun to just whump.

Warning: Bloody nose. Anxiety.

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Staring up at the ceiling Cameron tossed a lighter in the air before catching it and flicking it open. It was a move he had done so many times that it had become more of a way to calm himself down over anything else.

It had been an amazing day. The team had pulled off what had to be their best performance to date and everyone was celebrating a job well done. Well, everyone other than him was celebrating a job well done.

From his room he could hear Gunter, Jonathan, and Jordan pouring drinks and talking about what had happened and how next time they could make it even bigger, better. Dina, on the other hand, had decided to be sensible and grab them some food so they had something in their stomachs other than alcohol.

It was going to be fun night of drinking and reminiscing. They'd spend hours talking about everything that came into mind. There would be yelling and hugging and more than a few competitions to see who could do a trick better.

They had done the same thing hundreds of times before and they would do it another hundred times. It was a little bit of fun to help them all relax and bring in the family feeling that they all loved about the team. It was perfect and normal for them.

Except for the fact that he wasn't with them. Something that rarely happened. He and Johnny took their positions as sort of the heads of the team very seriously. If they weren't in it for the long haul than no one else would be.

Having a team that was more of a family was the first thing that they had decided on when they left their father. They both knew from experience just how hard the road life could be. The last thing they wanted was to have a team of strangers.

Anyway, Johnny deserved better than that. It was bad enough that only a handful of people knew he existed. The last thing they could do was have a team they worked with daily not knowing about him too.

So they worked their asses off to make their little family. It might not be the world, but it was better than having just him know. The team being together meant everything so they put in everything to keep them safe. Which meant being around all the time. Something that he wasn't doing.

He had escaped from the group saying he had wanted to take a shower and change out of his work suit. No one could really blame him for that. Magic might look easy, but that did not mean that he was not sweating under the lights.

No one had really been paying attention to his lie. It was another normal part of their routine that he probably didn't even have to say it anymore. He just hoped that everyone was too busy starting to drink to wonder if he had come back.

So far that wish had come true. He had been laying on his bed for the past twenty minutes and no one had come to ask why he wasn't there. Based off the noises that were coming from the other room they were too busy having a good time.

That was not something that would happen if everyone was sober. They worked and lived so closely together that one of them being away from the others for too long felt off to them all. That was usually when a fight broke up too.

There was the fact that he had a twin brother. Ever since they were children Jonathan had a tendency to take his role of protective be brother very serious. Even if he was only older by a full seven minutes. He was older and in his mind it was his job to keep Cameron safe.

The protectiveness was something that he both loved and hated. They might be twins, but he had grown up having this almost hero-worship of his brother. Jonathan was everything that he wanted to be and nothing that he was.

Then there were the times when he hated it. Which happened quite a bit. Not because he was annoyed by it, but because he knew just how much he needed the protection. He was the weaker of the two of them and he hated himself for it.

When they were kids he hadn't really thought about it all that much. At least it was never thrown in his face. Jonathan was just a protective person and because basically only Cameron and their father knew about him really the protectiveness was directed at Cameron.

It wasn't until they started to work with people that had known their father for more than a few years that came to his attention. A lot of people told them that he was like their mother while Jonathan was their father.

That had made him more than a little curious about what their mother was like, but he learned not to ask questions after the first time. He had never seen the older man cry and after that he knew that he never wanted to.

He also never wanted to see that heartbroken look on his brother's face. They had only been three when she had died so he didn't remember her. Jonathan did though. He remembered everything about her. No matter how hard he tried though Cameron couldn't. He didn't even have a picture to try.

That was one of the oddest things to him. Their father had been almost anal about preserving things. He had files upon files filled with everything. If he or Johnny had done it than it was written down and locked up somewhere.

That was how he had started a love affair with learning. He had spent hours and hours going over it all. Whenever they were trapped inside with a little free time he was in the archives going over anything he could get his hands on. He loved being around the old books and knowledge that his family had collected.

When he was younger he used to dream of opening a children's museum that had workshops and classes. A place where he, Jonathan, and the rest of the team could teach kids that loved magic as much as they did what they knew.

A part of him still wanted that dream to come true, but he doubted it would ever happen. This was the life that he was meant for. At least it was the only life that he knew. He wouldn't even know what to do in the real world. He was a magician. That's all he would ever be.

Sighing he dropped the lighter onto the bed next to him. He didn't know how long he had been in his room anymore and he didn't care. He was done with thinking. All he wanted to do was curl up and sleep for the rest of his life.

As he stood there he heard his friends greeting Dina excitedly. The smells of whatever she brought home wafted in making his stomach rumble. It smelt like she had gotten something with saffron in it. Maybe it was that rice from the place he liked.

A longing tugged on him making him want to go join them, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He loved being around his team, his family. He just couldn't do it right then. He couldn't be around people.

He slowly stripped out of his suit letting it fall haphazardly to the floor. A small twinge filled him at that. He was a clean person. It was a trait that he had picked up after years of cleaning the venues after a show.

At the moment in time though he didn't care about anything other than getting under the blanket and sleeping. That was all he had to do now. Just lay down and go to sleep. It was the perfect plan to end the day.

With a yawn he climbed under the blankets unconsciously scratching at his scalp as he laid down. He was done for the day. He just wanted to be left alone to, hopefully, not think about anything. Because he was that lucky of a person.

That was the major thing that he had hated learning growing up. Their father was always going on and on about them needing to focus on everything that was going on. They needed to have at least ten back up plans ready on the office chance something went wrong.

That was something that he still did. Both he and Jonathan had troubles turning their minds off long enough to get any real rest. He had no idea how his brother handled it, but he never had an easy time with it.

Cameron just wanted his mind to be quiet. Just once in his life. Was that really all that difficult to get? He needed to rest, to recharge. Not to go over every little detail of things that he didn't even care about!

Yes, it sucked that he didn't know his mother, but that wasn't going to change so there was no point in thinking about it. No, he did not have to figure out what they were eating based off the smell. Yes, he wanted to open a museum, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Feeling more than a little frustrated Cameron ran a hand over his face cursing himself when he felt the wetness. He hated how easily worked up he got sometimes. He might be able to fake it for the world, but when he was alone all bets were off.

Rolling onto his side he curled himself into a tight ball attempting to mask his cries in his pillow. Everyone might be too busy to notice what he was going on with him, but he didn't want to take any chances. It wasn't as if it was the first time that he had cried himself to sleep over nothing.

An angry voice berated him for being so weak, so emotional. He was supposed to be a man. He was supposed to act like a real man. He was supposed to be like Jonathan. He was supposed to be in control over himself. No one liked a person that was always crying. He had to stop unless he wanted to lose them all.

If he told anyone about the voice and what it was saying they'd probably think it was his father and tell him to just ignore it. They were wrong though. It was his own voice. Telling him what everyone else was too nice to say to his face. Telling him what he should have learned long ago.

The world wasn't a good place for people like him. The kind of person that looked around and saw the good in it, saw the good in everyone. Jonathan said he wore rose-colored glasses. He knew that he was just blind.

He had tried to be more realistic about it all. He had read the news and watched as the world started to crumble in the most unlikely ways. It should have been enough to show him what the world was really like, but it wasn't.

Instead of breaking the glasses all it did was make the shining moments all the brighter. The times where a random person did something for no reason other than to be kind. The times when someone loved someone else with no thought of themselves. It was beautiful to him.

A part of him hated that he saw those things first. It had led to him and Johnny and everyone on the team getting hurt more than once. He just believed that most people didn't want to hurt another if they didn't have to.

Reaching up to grip his head Cameron let out a soft whimper. He was supposed to be sleeping. Not contemplating the finer points of mankind. He just wanted to sleep and forget about the world for awhile. Why couldn't he sleep? He just wanted to sleep. Why couldn't he just fall asleep?

"Please," he muttered to himself his nails unconsciously digging into his scalp to try to stop the thoughts from running, "Please, stop. Just let me sleep. Please. Let me sleep."

Curling into himself tighter he hid his face completely in the blanket while he continued to plead to anyone he could think of to let him sleep. Over and over the words fell from his lips until he had no idea what he was saying. The only thing he knew was that he was still awake.

As he laid there sobbing, focused on nothing and on everything, he forgot that the was trying to be quiet. The laughter and music in the other room stopped completely. Footsteps came to his door before slowly pushing it open.

So caught up in his thoughts he missed the door closing behind someone. He missed the person moving to the edge of his bed and sitting down making sure not to touch him. He missed an all too familiar voice talking to him. He missed his brother doing what he did best.

All of that went over his head as he continued to offer his pleas to the universe. He probably never would have realized Jonathan was there if the man hadn't started to pull the covers from him. Instantly Cameron was fighting the pull. The blankets were the only thing that was keeping him from completely losing it. They were safe. He was safe with them. A voice broke through the blind panic.

"It's okay, Cam," Jonathan attempted to soothe even as he continued to pull at the blankets, "I promise I'll give them back to you. Or, even better, you can sleep in my bed tonight. You love doing that. They're more comfortable, right? Right now though I need you to let go of them, okay? Just for a minute. You'll be okay. I've got you."

None of the words were really filtering into Cameron's mind, but he knew that it was his brother talking. He trusted his brother with everything he was. If he was pulling the blankets off than there was a reason. Letting go of the blankets he let out an unhappy noise as they were pulled away.

For a moment he laid there shivering at the cold that seemed to seep into his bones. Then strong hands were pulling him up until he was sitting. He knew that it was just his brother, but he couldn't help but trying to wiggle his way out of the grasp.

"I know, Cam. I know." Jonathan offered holding tighter as he tried to push him away, "I know you don't want to be touched right now. That everything feeling like it's too much, but you gave yourself a nosebleed and we have to get it under control. Okay? Will you let me do that? Will you let me help you?"

Cameron still could barely understand the what his brother was saying. Everything seemed to be going over his head. All he knew for sure was the tone. Jonathan was concerned about something. Knowing him it was probably something he was doing. He hated whenever he made him concerned.

"That's right," Jonathan sighed taking on his full weight as Cameron gave up fighting, "I got you, Cam. You're safe. I promise. I'm right here. Okay? I'm just going to pinch the bridge of your nose and hold the tissues… No. No, don't tilt your head back. That's right. Just let me do all the work. I've got you. You're safe."

Sitting there with his back against his brother's chest Cameron let himself be lulled. Johnny was just so calm and sure of himself that he couldn't help it. That was the way it had always been and that's how it would always be. Nothing would take his brother from him.

"Tired," Cameron muttered helplessly his eyes slipping shut.

"I know you are," Jonathan replied letting go of his nose and removing the tissues before letting out a breath when no more blood came, "We're almost done. I promise. I just need to clean the blood off you and then we'll go to my room to sleep. Okay?"

"Stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Cam. You know better than than. You're stuck with me. For now and for always. Okay? Thanks, D."

Knowing the last part wasn't for him Cameron sleepily opened his eyes and saw Dina placing a few bowls of water and some cloths on the nightstand. Blinking up at her he watched as she blew a kiss his way with that peaceful smile on her lips as she left the room.

For a moment he watched mindlessly as Jonathan reach out to wet a cloth before gently running it over his chest cleaning the blood off of him. Yawning widely he closed his eyes and let his brother work. In the morning he'd feel embarrassed by what was happening, but at the moment he was safe.

"Alright," Jonathan said after a few minutes, "You're clean. Now to get to my room. Do you think you can make it with just my help or do you want me to call Gunter?"

"Comfy," Cameron stated leaning into his brother.

"I know you are, but you're not sleeping on bloody sheets. When we get to my room you'll be even more comfortable and so will I. Now, me or Gunter?"

Not bothering to answer out loud Cameron turned in the hold his brother had on him and rested his face on his shoulder. A soft chuckle fell from Jonathan's lips as he shook his head before beginning to maneuver them to the edge of the bed. It took a few tries but soon they were both on their feet.

Strong arms held him tightly as they both stumbled to the other room. Johnny's room was just across the hallway but it seemed to take forever to get there. By the time they were he was drained of was little energy he had left. He went completely slack as he was gently lowered to the bed.

For a moment he was laying there alone. He knew that his brother was in the room, he could hear him, but a panic started to build in his chest as his mind started to think about all the things the other man could be doing.

"Johnny," Cameron whispered afraid to get sucked back into the place he had just left.

"I'm right here, Cam," his brother offered instantly by his side, "I just had to change. I'm sorry it took awhile. We're fine. You're fine. Come on, let's get you comfy. That will help."

Feeling the hands on him again he tried to help move under the blankets but he had no control over his limbs. He was too tired. Jonathan knew what he was doing though. Soon he was under the covers his head resting on his brother's chest finally feeling both comfortable and calm.

"Thank you," Cameron whispered already halfway asleep.

"Anything for you, Cam," Jonathan stated pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "Anything for you."


End file.
